Losing your girl to your best friend.
Article by Matt Dating
If your girl is the type of person to dump you for your mate then she is not worth it anyway, right? No not entirely. The sexual or romantic gravitational force between two people is sometimes so strong that the two forces will inevitably come together regardless of moral values and loyalty.
A scenario such as this came into my life, not directly, however I played a role in helping my friend who lost his wife to his best friend at the time, as a result of manipulation and blind trust. This is not a made up story for the purposes of producing an article, I simply felt compelled to share this story so others can take measures not to fall into the same trap.
Steve and Michelle met when they were both 17 years old and went on to marry forging a 14 year relationship. Steve was Michelle’s first real boyfriend and also her first sexual partner. She had never been involved in dating other singles until Steve come along. Steve and Michelle were like 2 peas in a pod and became as one making their relationship the envy of all their mutual friends, of which there were many including myself. After leaving school, Steve, Michelle and our various friends would regularly socialize whether it be clubbing, bars or visiting friends. There was never any sign of mis-trust or infidelity between Steve and Michelle and their bond seem to get tighter as the years went on. Throughout the years their friends were dating other singles and were experimenting in the singles scene as most young people do. Steve and Michelle were content, they has found their respective soul mates.
Tony, a mutual friend of ours and right from the start, was best friends with Steve and also fairly close to Michelle. Tony held some sort of influence over the pair which grew as time progressed. Tony was rarely known to be dating other singles, instead the 3 of them would go everywhere together and virtually lived in each others pockets. No-one really ever seriously suspected that anything romantic would ever eventuate between Tony and Michelle and the 3 way bond was just excepted by their friends as the norm. No-one could ever conceive (including myself) that such a betrayal would ever be possible considering how close Steve and Tony were.
Towards the end of Steve and Michelle’s marriage, Tony and Michelle became very close friends which involved shopping together and other girly type activities like taking in a movie (without Steve) however Steve didn’t mind he was happy for his wife and best friend to have found friendships that made them happy. So close was Tony entrenched in their lives, he seized on this opportunity and gave Michelle all the things that he knew were lacking in her life and proceeded to fill the gaps. It was at this stage (later determined) an affair was imminent. Even at that point though, the thought of betrayal was never under consideration, hence the manipulating influence Tony had over the pair. I for one can verify that Steve is no fool, is highly intelligent and is very successful in other areas of his life. However he was no match for the deceit and under handed blow his best mate was about to land on him.
For the next few months Steve and Michelle’s relationship began to crumble as Tony now had Michelle in his web but it was all the while still a very big secret. The day Steve and Michelle split, Michelle broke off their marriage and put her decision down to the fact that they were no longer getting along and made no mention of the fact the she and Tony had calculated the outcome for many months.
It was at this point that Steve, Michelle and Tony’s friends started putting the pieces together however Steve was still blind to the real reason Michelle ended things. After the split, Tony continued to be friends with Steve and would flatly deny any rumors of his involvement with Michelle, which Steve, as always, blindly took his word placing unrelenting trust in his best friend. Over the next month or so Tony proceeded to twist the knife by concocting untrue stories about Steve to further re-assure Michelle that she had done the right thing by leaving her husband for him. No-one is really sure just how long Tony had his sights set on Michelle, although alarm bells should have been raised due to the fact that Tony refrained from dating other people and didn’t seem to actively pursue opportunities for dating other singles.
As there were so many mutual friends, the truth was bound to come out. So I set upon gathering the evidence to set Steve straight once and for all, and set him straight I did. There were also many lost mutual friendships as a result of Tony’s betrayal and show’s that some people will stop at nothing to satisfy their own desires and fantasies.
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Losing your girl to your best friend.
Friendships …34; How Losing Your Best Friend Leaves A Gapping Hole In Women
Article by Dr. Karen Gail Lewis
Best Friends are really special. We talk about how wonderful to have them, but we don’t talk about the pain of losing them.
The love you feel for a close girl friend is different from a love relationship but it is not less meaningful. Unfortunately, in our society today the love for a best friend does not have the same value and support as for romantic love. Losing a lover through death or divorce fits within our understanding out loss and grief. But the loss of a best friend, through death or divorce – that is, a permanent falling out – has no socially accepted guidelines.
“Linda and I had a long distance relationship,” Carla sadly chuckles. “We talked at least once a week, sometimes more often. We were two time zones away but for 11 years since I moved away, we worked around that. We made a point of getting together 3 or 4 times a year. I love my husband, but loving Linda is a different kind of love.
“She was the first person I called when Terry asked me to marry him, even before I called my mom and sister. Whenever he and I are at odds, she is always there to listen to me vent about Terry, to help me see the situation more realistically, and to walk me through the mess with him.
“We used to joke what would we do without each other.”
Carla’s voice breaks. She takes a deep breath, as if gulping in air would ease her pain. “I guess I’m finding out. Six months ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a quick decline. She was dead within three months.”What makes me so mad is that if it were Terry who had died, I’d get time off from work; my friends would be calling on me, offering me sympathy. But Linda is ‘just a friend.’ Boloney. She’s my best friend, my soul, my stabilizer, my special other half, in a way Terry – as much as I love him – can’t be. But she’s just my friend, so life expects me to carry on.”
We live in a world with rigid ideas about love and affection. We have work place rules and social etiquette rules. The inflexibility of these rules, though, ignores some realities. Carla would be able to get time off from work, or a reduced price plane ticket, for the funeral of her sister, even though they haven’t spoken in decades, but not for her best friend Linda.
In many communities, when there’s a death, friends and neighbors come with the proverbial casseroles and pies. The bereaved gets company, food, sympathy. Carla, though, did not have any of that. Most people don’t think about the depth of the loss when it is a non-family member.
The same lack of understanding occurs when best friends have a permanent quarrel, or to put it another way, when best friends divorce.
“Mary just dropped me; I don’t know any other way to put it,” bemoans Laurie. “Although this was 10 years ago, I still get teary thinking about it. I have no idea why she just stopped talking with me, stopped returning my calls. We had been such good friends for years. After several months, I wrote her saying she at least owed me an explanation. Boy that was a mistake. She wrote back tearing me to pieces.”
Laurie’s eyes water as she goes back a decade in her memory. “I don’t know what was worse. Hearing all the things she didn’t like about me or having no one to talk to about losing my best friend. You know, if Laurie were a Larry, everyone would understand why I moped around for months, my work performance flagged, but you don’t get sympathy for breaking up with your best friend.”
Carla and Laurie understand the power of best friends – having them and losing them. There are rituals for dealing with the death of a spouse and a family member, but there are none for the death of a best friend. People know how to respond if a friend gets divorced, but they have no idea how to respond if that friend gets divorced from a best friend – even though the pain can be just as intense and the loss just as big.
Chances are Carla’s and Laura’s bosses have had similar experiences because losing a best friend is not uncommon, it’s just not often acknowledged, and the pain is rarely discussed.
There are many different ways you can lose a close friend — through death, a quarrel, changing interests or growing in different directions. When couples split up, their friends may drift away, not wanting to choose sides. No matter how you lose a best friend, it always hurts and leaves a hole in your life. The loss needs to be respected and given the same credence as the loss of any loved one.
If friendships are important to you, get your free copy of “Rules For Enhancing Your Friendships” from the Special Gift link on the home page of http:/WomenAndThePeopleTheyLove.com. Be sure to use the Code: FRIENDS. And, consider treating you and your best friend to a special weekend. Check out http:/UniqueRetreatsForWomen.com.
Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, The Woman Who Helps Women And The People They Love
Friendships …34; How Losing Your Best Friend Leaves A Gapping Hole In Women
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